Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
