I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
