youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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