If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
