last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
