I just made out with a guy for $7.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
