it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
