He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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