Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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