So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
