You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
