Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
