The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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