If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
