Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
