I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
