apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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