i think i have herpe
just one?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
