It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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