just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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