So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
