Three words: puerto rican gang bang
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
