What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
