i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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