There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
