Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They took my balls.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
