How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize