dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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