cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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