things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
