so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
