WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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