i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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