This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
