He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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