How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize