dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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