the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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