I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
