He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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