shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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