Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
