We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
