I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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