How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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