How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
