next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
