Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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