dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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