dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
