I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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