it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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