We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Found the puke drawer
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
