you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
