Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my being single is dangerous.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
BRING THE BAGELS
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
