Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
