so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
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I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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