Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
