Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
