The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
