My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
