kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We need to get me chipped asap
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
