So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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