So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
