end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
