Don't make out with my wife yet
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
