oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
