Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
