is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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