All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
