think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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