just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All the doctor said was why
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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