i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
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I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
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I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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