it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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