i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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